2000 MSN Webchat

Live, from Bath, England, 28 August

Robbie was on top form when he took part in a live webchat in association with MSN.co.uk, BBCAmerica.com and Virgin Mega.com.

To coincide with the release of Sing When You're Winning, he was bombarded with your quick-fire questions, delivered by GQ's Adrian Deevoy.

Adrian GQ: So, Robbie, What did you do last night?
Robbie: I actually flew back from Germany where I have been doing a TV show, and then I came to a little place just south of London, where I am in a brothel with a 1,000 prostitutes with copious amounts of drugs. That’s typically how I spend my weekdays. So it's a quiet few days up.

Adrian (GQ): What happened in St Tropez
Robbie: It all got a little bit out of hand actually...

Adrian (GQ): Did you just lose it?
Robbie: You never know with me when I am going to lose it...

Adrian (GQ): hhmmmm

Adrian (GQ): Your punchy friends
Robbie: I was having a late drink with my punchy friends. They are the most placid guys you would ever meet... one guy just served jail for murder...

Adrian (GQ): Psycho! But lovely fellow though?! lol!
Robbie: ...absolutely placid. Anyway, we're out for a drink... a man started talking to me in French... and that just offended me!!!

Adrian (GQ): Cheek!

Adrian (GQ): And so you headbutted a chair in several places?
Robbie: I had forgotten we were in France.. it provoked my friend and it just ended up in a fistfight… the myth is that a chair was broken over my head... but the truth is that I had beaten up so many people that I decided to head butt a chair. …You should see the chair.

Adrian (GQ): And then you flew straight back to London via Germany?
Robbie: Then I flew back from Germany... the welt on the back of my head is now the size of St. Tropez so that with the pressure of the private jet I was in... it was deeply painful.

Adrian (GQ): close to bursting?
Robbie: Yes. But I am a TRUE professional ... so I went to Germany and did the show....

Adrian (GQ): Could the road to Mandalay have been written about Geri?
Robbie: It's very cool that it's only been out for one day and people know about that song. Yes, it's true that I did go on a holiday and it's about a holiday... sorry, you didn't win the car...you maybe got a fin or something.

Adrian (GQ): Geri Halliwell? DID YOU?
Robbie: Did what? pleasured her orally??? What?? Cooked for her? One answer is no...It's not that it's for want of trying... she just wanted none of it.

Adrian (GQ): This is from the Bold Brothers: What's your party piece?
Robbie: If there's a wardrobe... I pretend that Nania on the other side and I am fighting off a major beast on other side... it's mushroom season let's just say that...

Adrian (GQ): Howard in Golders Green: Have you had your tea, what did you have?
Robbie: Laughs.... lol lol lol lol!!! Thank you very much for being concerned to see if I have been nourished properly. Any dessert? A coffee sir? Chicken thai curry - no rice, want to keep the carbs down. No dessert... glad people are worrying about me.

Adrian (GQ): Prince Edward, is he gay?
Robbie: As for Edward, it's not for want of trying... I would have better luck with him than Geri.

Adrian (GQ): I read in an interview that you buried someone in a garage under your old house. Could that be you? (that was a question from an amateur psychologist)
Robbie: It wasn't until I read that interview that I did decide that I do believe that I killed somebody... I don't want to go into it now…

Adrian (GQ): From another fan, who asks “Can I have your babies?”
Robbie: Yeah... you mean you haven't?

Adrian (GQ): Col in Hell: When did you last 'sick it up'?
Robbie: A la kids??? It was three weeks ago and it had a certain style to it. When I started throwing up on a regular basis. It was often in the back of the Kismet Curry House or the Millhill Tavern.. it went from one giant leap from some of the more questionable establishments to the back of a yacht in St Tropez....

Adrian (GQ): How did it feel? Chucking off a yacht?
Robbie: There was a certain je ne sais quiche! I did have a terrible hangover ... but it was great because it was off a private yacht.

Adrian (GQ): If you were Port Vale manager and had £40m to spend what would you do?
Robbie: I would do exactly what he does and put it in me own pocket!

Adrian (GQ): Is it true that you have a tiger tattooed on your willy.
Robbie: no.

Adrian (GQ): How can you prove that?
Robbie: There's no room for it because of the giraffe...

Adrian (GQ): Do you think you have matured as an artist?
Robbie: No.

Adrian (GQ): If you could change anything what would it be? (from Caroline). Anything over your career that is?
Robbie: There are a 1 million and one things but I can't thing of anything funny, so leave it...

Adrian (GQ): Andy & Sophie in Shepherds Bush ask ‘were you having a barney with someone outside KFC?’
Robbie: (Jumps off the couch) Yes, YOU DID!!! YOU DID! No listen to this. This woman came walking up to me and I was just standing outside KFC for my friend and she didn't look like a nutter but as she walked past... she said ‘all those women you've slept with... that's disgusting... !!!’ And I thought I would be a big man and say "God Bless You!" and she started screaming "I SUPPOSE YOU THINK YOU'RE CLEVER!" And then she started talking about doctors and all those people who saved lives... in context with how much money I earn. And then she said my dad died... and then I thought... "fuck off' and then I made my most aggressive eyes... and said 'Fuck off!"

Adrian (GQ): So that's the KFC story?
Robbie: Yes, except that then she shat herself and ran off.

Adrian (GQ): Lulu Ahean says – ‘ever had a nurse. Want one?’
Robbie: Is she a nurse? Or does she have a picture of me sleeping with a nurse? Yes, there was a time when I was 4 and there was a nurse and she kept looking at me...

Adrian (GQ): Did one thing lead to another?
Robbie: and so we shagged... what am I supposed to say? yeah??

Adrian (GQ): Is swearing big and clever. I fucking well think it is, asks Big Clever Shawn
Robbie: I think that swearing is fucking great. I think so because of my ill education and being unable to not get my point across eloquently... fucking right.

Adrian (GQ): When you sing Angels - does it always make you feel up or are you just faking it?
Robbie: On Top of the pops, it was for real. More or less, it's always genuine...

Adrian (GQ): If your house was on fire, which records would you save?
Robbie: I wouldn't save anything... I can get anything for free... OH WAIT, DON'T TYPE THAT! It's horrible thing for me to say!! Ok, so wait, wait a minute.. Hmmm… The White album, Pet Shop Boys, Dr Dre Chronic album, and Take That's Greatest Hits.

Adrian (GQ): Are you Uncle Robert?
Robbie: No, I'm not yet. But soon to be Uncle Robert.

Adrian (GQ): What kind of an uncle would you make?
Robbie: I will be teaching the kid bad behaviour.

Adrian (GQ): Joyce asks ‘you're 26 - are you more like a boy or a man?’
Robbie: Man, I don't know. I am a million different people from one day to the next. I can change so quickly....really I don't feel like anything.

Adrian (GQ): What's the best joke you've heard about yourself?
Robbie: One I heard today is that I was thinking of not releasing the single I did with Kylie because she wouldn't go out with me... which is true… (laughs, and so does his staff)

Adrian (GQ): What's the best joke you've heard recently?
Robbie: The other is that Posh Spice thinks I love myself. I take that as a compliment because she's a therapist and as all good therapists teach you to love yourself.

Adrian (GQ): Who did come up with the idea for the Rock DJ video? What did you think when you first heard the idea?
Robbie: Two French guys. When I first heard the idea I thought 'that's great, let's do it, it will be banned. People will talk about it.'

Adrian (GQ): If you were on a desert island with an ugly woman or a cute guy which one would you sleep with?
Robbie: The guy, but I would have the woman watch. No... (grabs his head) ... just kidding. I wouldn't do that. (Shaking his head emphatically, serious like). I would just sleep with the bloke. The woman could cook.

Adrian (GQ): Tony Blair a good thing or a plain clothes tory?
Robbie: Sorry... I'm not bothered.

Adrian (GQ): How do you feel about the whole Princess Di thing in retrospect? How did you react to it at the time?
Robbie: I don't think about it at all. At the time, I was very upset. I had met her once. I went to tea at her house. She was an amazing person… She was very charming, witty and honest. I was a bit in awe of her. She was beautiful as well. When it happened, it was very upsetting... It's not that I knew her, because I knew her like everyone else. Now I think that Al Fayed is saying some things that people should listen to... I probably took that last bit too far...

Adrian (GQ): Were you really naked in the Rock DJ video?
Robbie: Yes, I was naked. I think it was just general embarrassment. A lot of concerned faces and 'do you think that's a good idea.'

Adrian (GQ): If you had to describe yourself in 3 adjectives asks Sophie what would they be?
Robbie: Need a drink... I know that's not adjectives... but that would be it.

Adrian (GQ): Ask Rob how he is doing and send loads of love from the Lloyd family in Stoke.
Robbie: Lloyd? Are you kidding?

Adrian (GQ): Rich Lloyd
Robbie: Is that Richard Lloyd!!! No way!! Hi mate! Never heard of him, just kidding... used to live around the corner from him...hey, it’s time to mow your lawn, mate.

Adrian (GQ): Give me some great advice says Lauren
Robbie: Don't spent too much time on the internet. Except of course, my site http://robbiewilliams.com.

Adrian (GQ): How much is in there - when you go to the cash machine?
Robbie: Normally what happens is that it fuses and smoke comes out....

Adrian (GQ): Do you really think you’re sexy? That's from Rod Stewart
Robbie: (Laughs heartily!) Tonight I feel that I could touch myself... but that doesn't last very long. I don't always want to touch myself... but tonight... yes... hands OFF! I'm mine!

Adrian (GQ): What is the weirdest thing a fan has ever given you asks Lindy, aged 12?
Robbie: Herpes.

Adrian (GQ): If you did go into acting who would be your co-star and what would the film be about
Robbie: Kim Wilde on ice. We could take it into the West End in winter... and she would play herself.And it would be called Wilde!

Adrian (GQ): When you were young did you always believe you were famous? And did you get what you expected or did you get more than you bargained for?
Robbie: Piss off.

Adrian (GQ): Give me 3 good reasons why I should stump up 12 quid for your record. I'm going to buy it anyway?
Robbie: No... then I guess I don't have to anyway, do I?

Adrian (GQ): Why did you call your album Sing When You're Winning?
Robbie: I would like to tell you. (and then he leaves it at that…)

Adrian (GQ): As a port vale fan, what songs do you sing when they are winning?
Robbie: I don't know because we don't win that often.

Adrian (GQ): If you were a porn star, what would your name be?
Robbie: Up Shitter. (The entire webchat room bursts out laughing. Robbie keeps a straight face, looks at the typist.) Up Shitter, go ahead, type that. (laughs)

Adrian (GQ): What is the craziest thing a fan has done to get your attention?
Robbie: I know someone who has me tattooed on her thigh.

Adrian (GQ): What about in person?
Robbie: I really don't know. I should have stock answers to these questions... dropped their pants when they saw me walking.

Adrian (GQ): You're a man of the world. Why do Allied Carpets always have a sale on?
Robbie: lol lol lol!!!! Hey, type that… L-O-L, L-O-L. You're joking? Is that a real question?

Adrian (GQ): Yeah, it is.
Robbie: I am stunned, literally stumped. That's the best question I've ever had.(Thinks a minute.) Really.

Adrian (GQ): Caroline Wheeler asks - if you were god, what would you have done on the 7th day?
Robbie: Well I met a girl on Monday, took her for a date on Tuesday..And by Wed, we were making love and then we did it on Thursday, Friday and Saturday... and then I would just chill on Sunday... like Craig David. I mean, really.

Adrian (GQ): In all seriousness, could you have Barlow?
Robbie: I don't know. He's a stocky fellow. Low centre of gravity and low self esteem. Two things that make a powerful combination.

Adrian (GQ): What is your favourite toy?
Robbie: The moped at the minute We'll just leave it there...

Adrian (GQ): Do you regret saying that the Gallagher bros looked inbred?
Robbie: I just regret that no one had said it before me... it's so obvious?

Adrian (GQ): What is about them? The monobrow?
Robbie: Anyone who has to shave their eyebrows with their elbows has a problem.You know those gloves they used to have where they were bound together? Their mother did that with their eyebrows.

Adrian (GQ): Could you survive on a desert island. What couldn't you live without?
Robbie: Starbucks Frappucino.

Adrian (GQ): David Bowie said the same thing
Robbie: No, really? I'm addicted to it too.Like Bowie. (Holds his hands up in a vogue-ish manner...). Can the people on the internet see me? And hear everything as well? Oh fuck.

Adrian (GQ): Yeah, they can.
Robbie: Shit. They can see all this now???

Adrian (GQ): Yeah.
Robbie: They can hear everything? Really? You should have told me that, you bastards. I thought there would be just one or two people online or something, a couple of images, taking a picture of me every now and again. Oh right, well hello. I'm Robbie... have I said anything that I might regret?

Adrian (GQ): In the studio with Kylie, was there any serious chemistry?
Robbie: Where other people have chemistry, we have CH-emistry... (pronounced with a hard “ch” sound).

Adrian (GQ): Any chemistry on TOTP?
Robbie: I think she had a rude awakening on TOTP... there was a massive sign with my head and a red stripe through it and then she just couldn't contain herself on stage. I don't think she knows it yet... when the CH-emistry hits. If only I could harness the power.

Adrian (GQ): would you? With Kylie? Kiss her tenderly?
Robbie: No, no.. with my reputation?!

Adrian (GQ): What won't you eat?
Robbie: Kylie's pussy... ha ha. You know you wanted me to say that... she's got a lovely cat and she came back from some eastern place where eating cat was a delicacy and she offered it up and I said, "Hey, no I am not eating your pussy...' and I got my coat and left.

Adrian (GQ): Did you bring your cockerel round?
Robbie: I brought my cockerel around... I have really fucked any chance I might have ever had now to get the princess, haven't I?

Adrian (GQ): Have you ever killed an animal?
Robbie: I did. I feel terrible about it... I prayed afterward…(pauses a moment). It was Kylie's pussy... I mashed it up... I loaded my nine and let it go in the pussy.

Adrian (GQ): Belly asks - do you like your ears?
Robbie: Yeah, I do.

Adrian (GQ): What's the best movie you've ever seen?
Robbie: I saw Gladiator not long ago and that ranks up there along with the Muppets.

Adrian (GQ): Are you a good cook?
Robbie: We're going back to pussy jokes aren't we? No, I’m not.

Adrian (GQ): Can you drive?
Robbie: No, not at all.

Adrian (GQ): Is it true you're thinking of getting a Harley?
Robbie: Yes, I have been thinking that and I have to say - were you reading my mind? I only thought about it yesterday.

Adrian (GQ): Have you ever met David Bowie - he is also sexy?
Robbie: Oh, he is??? Yes, I have and he was a really nice guy. He said that if you go to Kylie's house and she offers you her pussy... turn it down. He's quite right.

Adrian (GQ): Robbie, how long is your zig?
Robbie: I really wanted to zig and I want to zig a zig a zig -er... She thinks I don't have a zig, doesn't she?

Adrian (GQ): What will make a man not think about sex for 2 mins?
Robbie: Sex.

Adrian (GQ): How do you see yourself in 10 years?
Robbie: I don't really know to tell you the truth. Babies...

Adrian (GQ): Are you into poetry?
Robbie: No.

Adrian (GQ): Is it true that you were supposed to star in a film last year with your dad? Could you do that?
Robbie: Funnily enough my dad was asked to be in a film about a drug addict...but I was already typecast enough I wouldn't have any of it. Well I can't get my dad off drugs long enough to get him into a studio...

Adrian (GQ): When did you last see Liam?
Robbie: I went looking for him the other night.I drove over in my Range Rover which has blacked out windows. I am setting the scene. I was blaring out old school hip hop and it was blaring really loudly and I crept up (he goes into an Ali G routine)....And I goes in where Liam and his woman, my ex, usually have dair eat... I stood out there like Clint Eastwood in a not very good movie... Like Clint Eastwood in "I'm a really big Puff" and at the restaurant, they weren't there... so I told the manager to tell Liam I was looking for him. Then I got back into my car and pissed myself. I didn't want to ruin it for the restaurant... it was a moment.

Adrian (GQ): Which one of the Backstreet boys is your favourite?
Robbie: I actually like Brian...One of them hasn't been well. I think it was Brian and it was my favourite.

Adrian (GQ): Robbie, have you had a sex with Mel C?
Robbie: Yes, I have had a male and a female. Oh WAIT! That's WRONG!!! That's really wrong. Yes, have I had sex with her? Yeah, probably...

Adrian (GQ): Who's the person you love the most?
Robbie: Victoria Beckham said it’s me, I’m the one I love the most. No, kidding, though. Me mum. My mother heard that I got hit in the head with a chair and she heard it today on the papers and she collapsed in Tesco.

Adrian (GQ): Why didn't you call her last night?
Robbie: She thought I was in the hospital... but I am in Bath...

Adrian (GQ): Are you going to do a duet with George Michael?
Robbie: No, but I have to do the George Michael dance (does a funny little thing that's like George flailing his arms out, dancing, in typical George Michael manner) There's a little bubble with a copyright symbol comes up above his head and the minute that you do it, the lawyers come right on you. There will be helicopters coming on me now.

Adrian (GQ): Describe your dancing at the moment.
Robbie: I know that it looks rubbish. There were bits when I was doing TOTP. And I saw it and I though, "I am the shit."

Adrian (GQ): Lol!
Robbie: but then I saw it and I thought; "I am shit..." Just take out the "the’’ and that's it. I think I am D'Angelo and instead, I am dancing like Barry White.

Adrian (GQ): It's impossible to describe it isn't it?
Robbie: Like a big fat elephant.

Adrian (GQ): Very eccentric twitching... :-)
Robbie: It's not very well. Have you seen my dances? You wonder why I always make a face?

Adrian (GQ): Have you ever touched an artificial limb. Oooops, sorry wrong site:-)
Robbie: Shit...it's one of those things where you think it won't be anything but then I'll say something and the records sales will slump by week’s end. Jimmy Saville won’t buy one.

Adrian (GQ): How important has Guy Chambers been in your musical career?
Robbie: He doesn't do much. I do it all, don't I?

Adrian (GQ): Is it the music or something he does????? (looks about vaguely)
Robbie: I think he does something along those lines...

Adrian (GQ): :-)
Robbie: I recorded a B-side today and it is one of the guys in the band, Gary Knuckles, and I said that the song today that I said that the music was good but I said don't ever give me another song with words in it again.…he was about to burst into tears and then I said, no, I’m just kidding.

Adrian (GQ): Do you agree that you wrote the world's greatest song lyric?
Robbie: Yes. Probably.

Adrian (GQ): Which one is your favourite tattoo?
Robbie: Jack Farrell on my wrist. It was done by a guy in New Zealand who is coming over to do some more tattoos. If you have any ideas, send them to me.

Adrian (GQ): How did you get the scar on your head? When you were young?
Robbie: I got it butting my head into a chair in Switzerland (laughs). No, really, from a bottle when I was a kid.

Adrian (GQ): Can you handle yourself in a fight?
Robbie: Probably not, but I would probably make every one else laugh.

Adrian (GQ): Have you ever been flashed at a concert?
Robbie: Is this from a girl who flashed me at a concert?

Adrian (GQ): From someone called Belly?
Robbie: And if you can remember Sweet 1301 afterwards? I have probably been flashed, but I don't remember anything specific...

Adrian (GQ): What's your favourite thing to do in the shower?
Robbie: I was having a shower and I was laying down almost asleep in the shower and I was singing really loud and a gecko appeared on my foot.

Adrian (GQ): Was that the animal you killed?
Robbie: Yes, I sent it to Gecko heaven.

Adrian (GQ): Do you have anything to declare?
Robbie: My genius. No, wait. My jean. Yes, only my jeans haven't been washed... that's my declaration.

Adrian (GQ): Now, offer some great advice....
Robbie: Advice? Run.

Adrian (GQ): Where is the bloody Road to Mandalay?
Robbie: I have no idea.

Adrian (GQ): Did you ever fall in love with one of your fans? Can you?
Robbie: No... not the one who asked that question, anyway. Oh, wait, that’s really mean. Maybe you shouldn’t type that.

Adrian (GQ): Do you still get nervous?
Robbie: Pre cum? First night nerves, every one night stand. No... ghosts. They make me nervous.

Adrian (GQ): ever seen one?
Robbie: Felt their presence. No, really, telly tubbies.

Adrian (GQ): What's more terrifying - the bang or waiting for the bang?
Robbie: Dreaming about the bang...

Adrian (GQ): gotta stop. The meter's run out.
Robbie: No, really? Put 50 pence in the meter

Robbie: (Turns to the camera to address the internet audience directly) Hello, you, where are you? What are you doing?I am down in Bath recording some singles. Then I’m going on tour. If you're that person who keeps calling up saying that you're going to kill me? Could you please stop that. Thanks... Right.

Adrian (GQ): Thanks Robbie.

Robbie: Right... and I'm not in Bath, you bastards!!!!

Robbie: (He walks out)

Robbie: (He walks back in….. Now he's looking over the questions you all sent in.. )

Robbie: (he's scrolling... he's scrolling... )

Robbie: (Now he's gone... )

Interviewed by Andrian Deevoy.

Courtesy of MSN.